Five Faggots
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The aids team
The Golf Course
How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
He fell off the ball washer!
Four Gay Guys
Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find that there's only one stool left.
One guy says "Lets flip for it"
But another says "No, Lets flip it over"
The Gay Test
A man, named Gerry, asked his doctor if there was a test to see to help him determine if he was gay.
The doctor said, "Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants."
Gerry pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to say 55. The man said "55."
The doctor then grabbed the man's penis and told him to say 55. Gerry said "55".
The doctor then told the man to turn around, and putting a finger in the man's anus he once again told him to say 55.
Gerry said, "1...2...3..."
A Gay Man Goes To A Bar
A gay man is in a bar, on all fours, trying to pick up some money he dropped.
A big bouncer says, "Hey, you! Move it or I'll give you a foot up the ass!"
The gay man looks around and says, "I think you're bragging, but I'm game if you are."
Irish And Gay
What do you call two gay Irish blokes?
Ben Dover and Phil McCrackin
A Lesbian Goes To A Gynecologist
A lesbian goes to a gynecologist and the gynecologist says, " I must say, this is the cleanest twat I've come across in ages."
"Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in four times a week!"
A Lesbian Liscence
What kid of liscence do lesbians need?
A licker liscence.
Politically Correct
What's the new politically correct name for a lesbian?
Vagitarian.
Generosity
Why are faggots so generous?
Because they don't know how to be tight arsed!
Two Gay Men At A Fairground
Two queers were at the fairground. Craig said that he wanted to go on the Ferris wheel but Clive had a sore bum and decided not to go on as well. The wheel went round and round and then suddenly the cart that Craig was seated in falls to the ground, landing at Clive's feet.
"Are you hurt Craig?" cried Clive in a high pitched faggotty squeal.
"Of course I am you bitch!" replied Craig with tears in eyes, "Three times I went round and you didn't wave once to me!"
Aids
What are the first symptoms of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the arse!
A Homosexual And An Ambulance
What does a homo and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go WHOO! WHOO!
Shit
What is a shit?
A gay man's wet dream!
Gay Magician
Did you hear about the gay magician?
He vanished with a poof!
The Race
There was an auto race from San Francisco to Miami between a car full of fags and a car full of lesbians. Who arrived in Miami first?
The lesbians did. They 'Headed' down Highway '69' doing Lickety Split while the fags were still in San Francisco packing their shit!
The Virgin
A guy walks into a homosexual bar. He's a newly discovered gay and has come to find a couple of flings. Anyway, he is sitting at the bar, eating, drinking and checking out the talent when he has a sudden urge to fart. He looks round and sees other people farting nicely. One 'Pssssttttt' here and another 'Pssssstttt' there. He decides, what the hell, and farts a loud 'Brrrrrttttttt'!
All of a sudden, the bar is quiet, and everybody points to him and shouts "VIRGIN!"
The Straight Guy
What's the worst thing a straight guy can say in a gay bar?
Can you push my stool in please?!
The Sperm Bank
Why was the queer sacked from his job in the sperm bank?
He was caught drinking on the job!
The Fart
Two queers were taking a shower with each other. The phone rings and Lance says to Rod, "I will be right back darling, so don't start without me!"
After a minute or so Lance comes back, and sees sperm splattered all over the shower wall. "I thought I told you not to start without me!" he squealed.
"Oh, just relax!" replied Rod, "I didn't start without you, I just farted!"
Milkman
What do you call a gay milkman?
A dairy queen!
BBQ
How do you know you're at a gay BBQ?
The hotdogs taste like shit!
Electrons
Did you hear about the homosexual electron?
It went round blowing fuses!
Smoking Cannabis or Doing Time
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking cannabis and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge asked
the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor," he replied, "I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and
told them the big circle is your brain before drugs, and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?" he asked the second boy.
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar approach," he answered. "I drew a large and a small circle. Pointing to the small circle, I said, this is your asshole before you go to prison..........."
Penises
Five guys were in a bar. Feeling slightly sloshed, they started to argue with each other about the size of their penises. Eventually the discussion escalated into a full-blown argument, with each man thinking his penis was the biggest. The bartender suggested, "Put them on the bar so we can compare."
The drunks did just that. Shortly, a gay man came in the bar, looked around, and said to the bartender, "I think I'll have the buffet."
Four Men Went To Golf
Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."
Pussies
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn''t matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussies."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
Lesbian Licking
How do lesbians handle their liquor?
By the ears.
The Toilet
How do you give a gay blind man a thrill?
Leave the plunger in the toilet!
Farting In A Gay Bar
What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A love call.
Painting
What do you call two lesbians on their period?
Finger painters.
Truckers
Did you hear about the gay truckers?
They exchanged loads.
Shagging
How do you get a gay man to shag your girlfriend?
Shit in her pussy!